My first photograph sent to my wife!

In the good old days, that is, up to the time when Titanic sank, moms used to tell their daughters like Kate Winslet to marry a rich man like Billy Zane. And during those olden days, children used to listen to their parents without throwing a temper tantrum. Much to the chagrin of the yesteryear parents, look what has happened now in these modern days! Kids don't listen to their parents anymore. In any case, when the Titanic launched its first maiden voyage into the Atlantic, it dragged the whole world along with itself into the Kali Yuga. Remember what the Hindu mythology says about Kali Yuga? That is the time period when the good old societal norms would decay to such an extent that it would lead to the culmination of the world. 

Look what they showed in the Titanic movie! Kate Winslet started the demise of the world when she chose not to listen to her mother. Instead, she decided to bite the Leonardo DiCaprio apple that God told her not to bite! She decided to hang out with Leonardo DiCaprio for those 4 fateful days that they travelled together. She even proceeded to have her nuptials in the nice cushy back seat of the imported European car in the gigantic ocean liner Titanic. And look at all the calamity that followed that one couple's orgasmic moments! That stupid guy who was supposed to be watching out for the icebergs, ended up watching Kate Winslet romancing with Leonardo on the deck. And then the sad sad sad thing happened. The unsinkable Titanic sank 3.8 kilometers into the ocean ushering in the era of Kali Yuga! This is all just like what our forefathers exactly predicted about Kali Yuga! It was all Kate Winslet's fault!

That is the very reason why I didn't want to do anything to endanger the world. If I could save the world just by marrying a girl that my parents pointed out to me, then why wouldn't I do it? So, when it was time for me to marry in 1995, I nodded my head in approval allowing my parents to look for a girl for me. Whether you agree or not, in my opinion, I have demonstrated the highest selfless action a man could show to his fellow humans and animals to save the world. I did that in 1995 by not dating, courting, etc, instead, allowing my parents to find a girl for me. In my humble opinion, such immense benevolent action that I have shown in the interest of the world is worthy enough that my wax statue be made and kept amongst other celebrities at Madame Tussaud's wax museum.

Even my good looks can't make this crowded picture better

It is not my marriage day or anything for me to ponder about this particular subject this day. My wife happened to be cleaning up her stuff today and she found this picture of me that I had sent to her family in 1995. In this context I started writing this blog.

The first and the most important task in starting the matrimonial alliance is to get the picture right. Wealthy Indian parents would take their son/daughter to a nice studio and get a good picture. But I didn't have much money. Those were the days when American credit card companies had not yet bestowed the honor of "credit card ownership" on poor immigrant students like myself. A state of penury, so to speak! We would avidly collect coupons from Houston Chronicle newspaper! $ 1 off on any item, would mean a fortune to us! Each American dollar was worth about 36 Indian Rupees at that time. We would hoard all those Washingtons, Lincolns, and Hamiltons to "become rich". We the poor Indian immigrant students wouldn't have much of the Franklins in our wallet, because that man only adorned $ 100 bills and that was like being a millionaire at that time. 

Those were also the days when we would take photos in regular, non-digital cameras! Fully automatic camera with built-in flash was the best and we would wait patiently for several weeks and finally buy that type of camera during Christmas or New Year sale. And then the next task was to buy the film. Each roll would allow us to take 36 films, and it may take months to complete the entire roll. Once done, We would yank the roll of film and take it to KMart and give it to those ladies in customer service. I remember patiently waiting for 3 to 4 days to finally see the end results of our photographic skills. 

There are so many photographic elements in a good picture. Especially a picture that was taken with matrimony in mind! Was the lighting good? Having used "fair & lovely cream" for such long time, have I become fair yet (white skinned)? The more tanned the guy or the gal was, the lower the prospect of him/her to be sold well! That was the Indian matrimonial market at that time. In addition to the skin color,  I had another worry to fret about - my hair loss! Because I was already balding, I had to worry about how to comb deceptively in such a manner that the girl's dad wouldn't see my glabrous challenge. Have I combed all of my sparsely existing hair from one side of the scalp to the other side so that I looked like Cosmo Kramer instead of like George Costanza? 

OMG, I can't describe in words all the pains that we Indian men would have to go through at that time in India - all for what? Just to get a women enter our house - to give us the special benefits that a wife would give a man!

And now coming to this picture that my wife found today -  this is what I sent to her parents in 1995 when our matrimony was being arranged. When I looked at this picture today I was astonished to see how much I have changed since 1995. Me, a poor little immigrant couldn't afford to go to "Olan Mills" studio to get a nice picture of myself at that time. For Godsake, "Olan Mills" didn't publish mail-in-rebate coupons or "$ 5 off coupons" in local newspapers. In such coupon-dependent student life, I disagreed with the very existence of such mean companies. and felt that all such corporates should get an "F" rating in BBB, go bankrupt and get into oblivion. So, instead of a famed studio,  I allowed my roommate in Houston to shoot this most important picture of my life. He said he was an expert photographer who trained under P. C. Sriram (a famous Bollywood videographer).

I remember him telling me to sit in one corner of the room and taking the picture. And after he clicked the image, a miniature me was caught between 400 nm to 700 nm of the visible spectrum of light, stuck in the silver halide in that "Konica ISO 100 film" (that was the cheapest film roll that we could buy, and by the way, it came with mail-in-rebate in Kroger, so we bought it). I then remember taking that film to KMart to have it printed. In those days, you have to tell them if you wanted "matte" print or "glossy" print. I chose "glossy" print because that was cheaper and saved me a dollar. 

After I got it back from KMart, fresh off of the print, I was pretty dismayed. You tell me - does it look like that guy, my photographer roommate - trained under P. C. Sriram?!  When I showed the picture to him, with much disappointment, you know what he told me? "You should have not cribbed about the one dollar saving! You should have just gotten a "matte" finish print by paying a dollar extra and you would have looked better!

In any case, to end this story, I did choose to audaciously send that picture to that girl's parents. They were perusing through my matrimonial resume to see if I was worthy of becoming a lifelong in-dwelling partner for their daughter. Would she join me in holy matrimony? That was a million dollar question that I mailed to her family along with the above photograph from Houston to Oklahoma! 

While I hated my own photograph (if I was a women, I would have rejected the above guy), my wife, strangely said "yes" to the proposal! Wow, that was one heck of a luck for this son of a gun!

They would look good if I am in this picture

And now coming back to my request to be in Madame Tussaud's wax museum for having saved the world (unlike Kate Winslet), I hope those museum administrative guys read this blog and induct me into their hall of fame. Also, I request them NOT to put my statue up with the elderly men like Mahatma Gandhi or Nelson Mandela. Instead I request them to put me up next to young ladies like the Kardashians. I am making this recommendation not for my benefit, but I thought that Kim would look better next to me!